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Previews: GTA3: VC - Exposé! Posted Thursday, October 17th 2002

I protected my true identity using a filter from Adobe Photoshop 12.0 which is not yet available to the public.

Hello, you will refer to me as "Info Leaker". I work for a paper shredding company. How does this relate to games you ask? Well these gaming companies sub contract (that's real world talk for "too lazy to do their own chores") their paper shredding. This works out great for you since I'm about the most dishonest person to walk the Earth. (But don't worry, I won't lie in this article) (wait... what if I was lying in that comment) (or that comment...) Anyways...

So I work for this paper shredding company and you'll never guess what I came across! Completely confidential documents between Rockstar (who oddly enough isn't based in Asia) and Rockstar North. I've spent hours pasting back together 10 millimeter (that is [.....] that far for you Americans) strips of paper and recreated hundreds of original documents about Grande The Auto 3: Vince's City (here after referred to as GTA3: VC for space saving purposes) that were never intended to be read.

Many of my friends thought I was crazy to sit indian style in a dark room pasting strips of paper together. I found it really relaxing just sitting there with trash bags full of paper, watching reruns of McGyver, and occasionally sampling the Elmer's Paste. Well I don't need my friends anymore! I have you folks, my faithful goons reading this completely true article. It's so nice to have people that will listen to me and be my friends. I had a friend once but then one day I unlocked my basement and he was gone.

About GTA 3: VC

Okay, first up let me explain that there has been a lot of speculation and rumor about GTA: VC from people both in the industry and the general gaming public. 99% of it is false and has been thought up by people on the Internet purely for the purpose of getting more hits on their crappy little web sites. I'll try and clear up some of these falsehoods and supply you with some new, accurate information about this title. I'll go through some of the more important points that you should be aware of before spending your hard earnt money on this title. The game will be released exclusively on PlayStation 2, so all of you PC owners are screwed, apparently they were upset by some of the reviews. Here is an excerpt from one of the pages... (it's an email to DMA... They made the first GTA3... don't act like you knew that)

See you liars! There is a Carson City, they are talking about it in this very page! I have yet to find the To: From: line but when I do I'll have proof for all you the skeptics. I read in the official forums once that people couldn't find it. Later in this article I'll post the exact sequence to get it to come up!

The Gameplay

GTA3 was very well known for its groundbreaking non-linear gameplay. This was great in my opinion because it really increased the amount of time you could spend playing it without getting really bored. Unfortunately this is not continued in GTA: VC. The developers decided to return to the more traditional linear variety of game because they got tired of thinking up ideas. That plus apparently Rockstar's QA department doesn't know the difference between a bug and a suggestion. There is hundreds of pages where they argue back and forth about how hard it is to test the game (testers basically get paid to play the game... don't act like you knew that). There is this lengthy argument about testers writing up C bugs as A bugs because they are too worthless to understand game design. Allow me send a special message to the testers... I BLOODY HATE YOU... FIND MORE BUGS!

Back to gameplay, There is hundreds of pages from the Brand Manger (that is the guy who decided how crappy the packaging should be... bad.. or worse) well he had to keep writing emails to the Producer (that is the other guy who decides how crappy the game will be) he was apparently all hurt because you all found out how to fly the DoDo and he didn't want you to since his uncle's neighbor once died in a plane crash and it hurt his inner child. Well you know what I say? Screw him and screw his inner child. I'm paying (well, kinda) to get a game I want to play! I don't care about terrorism or his damned uncle's neighbor. Once I was playing in my uncle's back yard and my ball went over the fence. I went over there to get it and my uncle's neighbor started shooting at me with a spud gun and throwing empty bottles of whiskey at me! WTF!? So I kicked him in the shins and stole his dope plants and ran off. That's why I don't care about any of this pansy shit about feelings and crap. I say let me fly the damned DoDo anywhere I damned well please!

Ok, Vocabulary Lesson for you all. Learn what Mass Market Means. See they want to sell more copies of a game and in order to do it, they make the game dumber because dumb people like yourself only buy crappy games (Mass Market = Crap = You) One of the biggest complaints from gamers about GTA3 was that the city was too bright and cartoonish, not properly portraying the gritty realism that they wanted. The developers from Rockstar North listened to these complaints and have decided to make VC much darker and more boring. They have managed to make the city larger by just simply making the roads wider, this way it seems cooler. Here is an illustration (that means a picture.... don't act like you knew that). You see? You see what they're doing? By stretching it out it makes you look like your getting a bigger game. Which reminds me of the time I was at McDonalds and I tried to upsize my Coke and instead of giving me more coke they just poured it into a bigger cup and filled it up with ice! Now, I'm sure you can understand I couldn't have that so I flipped out and started throwing styrofoam cups left and right. Unfortunately they called the police and I was taken away. It was really embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as falling for this whole 'stretching' trick that Rockstar are trying to pull. It's all crap and you shouldn't be fooled. There are plenty of games that are not all stretchy and deceptive. Like that beach volleyball one. That's more supple and bouncy. I like that one.

 

The characters are a very important part of any game available on the market these days. They are important because they make the game come alive just like Simba did in my favourite movie The Tiger King which was written by that dirty commie J Edgar Disney who was a traitor to our country. Anyway, my point is that interesting characters are one of the most important aspects of the game. I mean look at real life situations, when September the 11th happened on the 11th of September last year, we had a terrorist mastermind just sitting there ready to hate! The fact that there was a visible character to hate was very important. If he wasn't there who would we hate? WHO?! Anyway, VC is going to have some very interesting voice talent helping to bring the game alive. Fran Drescher has been cast as one of the bosses. You take orders from her through the whole game. Every few minutes you listen to her go on and on about whatever mission you're doing at that time. It's really cool. Fran Drescher is hot stuff. God, what I wouldn't give for ten minutes alone with her...

There have been a lot of rumors about the different musicians that will be contributing to VC, unfortunately this is not the case. Originally there were going to be many artists, however funding problems have caused that plan to be cut. Currently the only piece of music in the game is a MIDI of Sade's Smooth Operator which is played on a loop for the entirety of the game.

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