Dear Private Online Diary,

It is so good to finally have a place to store my innermost thoughts. Finally, I have a refuge from the cruel world of the internet and real life, a place I can protect my most intimate private musings and imaginings from the harsh words and coarse language that permeate the rest of daily life. I long to fill this virtual repository with my deep thoughts, crushes, and unicorn doodles.

My current private dilemma relates to unmentionables. My...